Book Review: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

I do realise that this book has passed its limelight moment but I was tempted to read it when it stared right back at me at the library while I was browsing. The whole hoo haa over what was written when it was first released to me felt like just a marketing ploy then but now I felt that I was ready to look at it with a more balanced perspective. While there had been a lot of negative response from Westerners about how harsh Chua was with her daughters; the whole issue of not having sleepovers for example was not taken in perspective but was used to make Chua look like an overly strict mother. She did allow one of her daughters to a sleepover but there was 'cliqueing' and negative influences that could have been avoided. As a Muslim in a secular society, I can touch base with her as these 'social' events are hotbeds for what would not have been acceptable in one's household but could be de riguer or secretly happening in another- something I would not want my own daughter to go through no matter how trivial. What I take away most from Chua's sharing was the need to be steadfast and clear in what we want for our children no matter how difficult things can get and this is even more so if we want the best from our children. In the book, Chua shared how tense things got between her and her younger daughter Lulu and how she eventually let her find her own interests. Lulu turned out to be self-motivated and determined even without her mother in the way and I think that Chua's strong presence in her children's lives played a part, although her methods, in perspective went, against Lulu's personality and pushed their relationship to the edge. In the book,Chua said she did what she did because she knew how capable Sophia and Lulu were. I think parents play a big role in children finding themselves and realising their potential as we are naturally built to see the better side of our children and have the most opportunity to observe their strengths and weaknesses. We know which buttons to push so our children would move forward, and sadly also, what could break them. To me Chua did what any mother would do to ensure her children's success in life and she did it the way she did because that was what she knew best how to do. Sound familiar? I grew up with mostly Chinese friends, I am Malay, and am surprised at how rigid some of my friends' lives were (which was nothing compared to most kids' schedule now with the proliferation of tuition centres and elite schools) as my parents don't even check my work and made no comment each time I showed them my report book to sign. I was like on holiday all the time while my friends slogged.

I am of course most grateful to my parents for providing me the opportunity to study till university but sometimes I wonder if some direction, supervision and motivation would have pushed me further in life to a place I never imagined possible. It just struck me that I have gone to the other extreme of taking control of my children's education and constantly envisioning to them where their talents could take them. If Chua can spend hours with her children on piano and violin everyday and be a law professor, any mother can show more involvement in their children's lives and let them know we are always here to guide them and share their tears, joys and hopes.