Talk by Rahima Baldwin Dancy
I had a treat last Sunday as I got to attend a talk by Rahima Baldwin Dancy who wrote You are Your Child's First Teacher. There was a bonus as her husband, Agaf Dancy, also came to share his views on caring for children. They were retired recently and have been travelling the world to share their experiences and contribute to social causes. Wow, that's some retirement and I was thinking to myself that I should envision such a fulfilling retirement for me and my husband too, insyaa Allah.
Rahima touched on creating rhythm at home and gave a broad overview of what she covered in her book. By creating a certain order to our daily, weekly, seasonal life; children will be calmer as they know what to expect and are not burdened with making choices they might not be ready to take. Too often these days, maybe in our eagerness to be 'child-centred', we ask children for their opinion in more ways than needed that we are not able to play our role as the parent that make the best decisions for them.
Instead, Rahima advocated giving limited choices to children or none at all. If your child does not want to eat what was served to him or her then she will then suffer the natural consequence of being hungry and would learn eventually that it was not worth the trouble. On older children, Agaf also spoke on natural consequences when they make mistakes. He said that we should allow them to redeem themselves when mistakes happen and allow the older children to try to fix what they could.
There was of course the singing and rhyming and candle blowing mentioned to help children transition from one activity to another. As I sat back on the comfortable couch in that little room as the sharing session was carrying on, it occurred to me that as Muslims we already have rhythm in our lives that has not been shattered by the modern lifestyle of 24-hour malls and the like.
Allah has ordained for us our five daily prayers that follow the rotation of night and day.
[17: 78] Establish regular prayers - at the sun's decline till the darkness of the night, and the morning prayer and reading: for the prayer and reading in the morning carry their testimony.
He gave us the Friday prayers as a time of remembrance and victory for the believers
[62 : 9-10] O ye who believe! When the call is proclaimed to prayer on Friday (the Day of Assembly, yawma 'l-jumuʿati), hasten earnestly to the Remembrance of Allah, and leave off business (and traffic): That is best for you if ye but knew!
And when the Prayer is finished, then may ye disperse through the land, and seek of the Bounty of Allah: and celebrate the Praises of Allah often (and without stint): that ye may prosper.
and gave us the month of Ramadan for example as a time to purify ourselves and become closer to Him each year according to the rotation of the moon.
[2:185] Ramadan is the month during which the Quran was revealed, providing guidance for the people, clear teachings, and the statute book. Those of you who witness this month shall fast therein. Those who are ill or traveling may substitute the same number of other days. GOD wishes for you convenience, not hardship, that you may fulfill your obligations, and to glorify GOD for guiding you, and to express your appreciation.
Before solat we are required to perform wudu' and this helps to prepare us mentally and physically to face our Maker and focus on remembering Him.
[5: 6] O ye who believe! when ye prepare for prayer, wash your faces, and your hands (and arms) to the elbows; Rub your heads (with water); and (wash) your feet to the ankles. If ye are in a state of ceremonial impurity, bathe your whole body. But if ye are ill, or on a journey, or one of you cometh from offices of nature, or ye have been in contact with women, and ye find no water, then take for yourselves clean sand or earth, and rub therewith your faces and hands, Allah doth not wish to place you in a difficulty, but to make you clean, and to complete his favour to you, that ye may be grateful.
If we just follow the five daily prayers then, we already have rhythm in our lives and help to bring this to our children's lives when they join us in prayer and eventually learn how to pray on their own when we are not around wherever they are.
In solat, there is also that breathing in and out that we need in our daily lives. After a hectic half of the day, Allah gave us the Zuhr prayers to bring us back in focus with our spirit and with God and hopefully help us get through the rest of the day with a clearer mind and perspective for example. With our little children, this can be a period of calming down the morning's activities and settling down to a nap as we finish our prayers, darken the room and listen to the quran as we fall asleep together.
Before the child awakens from her nap, mummy can prepare the baking that they can later do together and as the bread is baking in the oven, we pray Asr and then sit down for tea together, waiting for papa to come home. Sigh, what a beautiful vision. Yes, I must strive towards this. I must work towards falling in love with the home all over again with my children.
When things get too process-driven in the home without any spirit to it, I guess it's not surprising that I'm always wanting to take off every day, even if it's just to the mall where things aren't that greater anyway from the home.
That's all for now. Hope you have an inspired week ahead!
Rahima touched on creating rhythm at home and gave a broad overview of what she covered in her book. By creating a certain order to our daily, weekly, seasonal life; children will be calmer as they know what to expect and are not burdened with making choices they might not be ready to take. Too often these days, maybe in our eagerness to be 'child-centred', we ask children for their opinion in more ways than needed that we are not able to play our role as the parent that make the best decisions for them.
Instead, Rahima advocated giving limited choices to children or none at all. If your child does not want to eat what was served to him or her then she will then suffer the natural consequence of being hungry and would learn eventually that it was not worth the trouble. On older children, Agaf also spoke on natural consequences when they make mistakes. He said that we should allow them to redeem themselves when mistakes happen and allow the older children to try to fix what they could.
There was of course the singing and rhyming and candle blowing mentioned to help children transition from one activity to another. As I sat back on the comfortable couch in that little room as the sharing session was carrying on, it occurred to me that as Muslims we already have rhythm in our lives that has not been shattered by the modern lifestyle of 24-hour malls and the like.
Allah has ordained for us our five daily prayers that follow the rotation of night and day.
[17: 78] Establish regular prayers - at the sun's decline till the darkness of the night, and the morning prayer and reading: for the prayer and reading in the morning carry their testimony.
He gave us the Friday prayers as a time of remembrance and victory for the believers
[62 : 9-10] O ye who believe! When the call is proclaimed to prayer on Friday (the Day of Assembly, yawma 'l-jumuʿati), hasten earnestly to the Remembrance of Allah, and leave off business (and traffic): That is best for you if ye but knew!
And when the Prayer is finished, then may ye disperse through the land, and seek of the Bounty of Allah: and celebrate the Praises of Allah often (and without stint): that ye may prosper.
and gave us the month of Ramadan for example as a time to purify ourselves and become closer to Him each year according to the rotation of the moon.
[2:185] Ramadan is the month during which the Quran was revealed, providing guidance for the people, clear teachings, and the statute book. Those of you who witness this month shall fast therein. Those who are ill or traveling may substitute the same number of other days. GOD wishes for you convenience, not hardship, that you may fulfill your obligations, and to glorify GOD for guiding you, and to express your appreciation.
Before solat we are required to perform wudu' and this helps to prepare us mentally and physically to face our Maker and focus on remembering Him.
[5: 6] O ye who believe! when ye prepare for prayer, wash your faces, and your hands (and arms) to the elbows; Rub your heads (with water); and (wash) your feet to the ankles. If ye are in a state of ceremonial impurity, bathe your whole body. But if ye are ill, or on a journey, or one of you cometh from offices of nature, or ye have been in contact with women, and ye find no water, then take for yourselves clean sand or earth, and rub therewith your faces and hands, Allah doth not wish to place you in a difficulty, but to make you clean, and to complete his favour to you, that ye may be grateful.
If we just follow the five daily prayers then, we already have rhythm in our lives and help to bring this to our children's lives when they join us in prayer and eventually learn how to pray on their own when we are not around wherever they are.
In solat, there is also that breathing in and out that we need in our daily lives. After a hectic half of the day, Allah gave us the Zuhr prayers to bring us back in focus with our spirit and with God and hopefully help us get through the rest of the day with a clearer mind and perspective for example. With our little children, this can be a period of calming down the morning's activities and settling down to a nap as we finish our prayers, darken the room and listen to the quran as we fall asleep together.
Before the child awakens from her nap, mummy can prepare the baking that they can later do together and as the bread is baking in the oven, we pray Asr and then sit down for tea together, waiting for papa to come home. Sigh, what a beautiful vision. Yes, I must strive towards this. I must work towards falling in love with the home all over again with my children.
When things get too process-driven in the home without any spirit to it, I guess it's not surprising that I'm always wanting to take off every day, even if it's just to the mall where things aren't that greater anyway from the home.
That's all for now. Hope you have an inspired week ahead!
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