The Spiritual Journey of Homeschooling

Lately, I have been approached by sisters who are interested in homeschooling. In between questions about how I do it, they share their worries and fears like the financial aspect with the mother staying home and family disapproval. There's also the worry of not being able to do it on their own.

Looking back, I had gone into homeschooling in a situation of much uncertainty; I only had a textbook idea of how it's done, I don't personally know anyone doing it, I didn't really get the approval of my parents or in-laws (we sort of just told them). In short, we took the plunge after finding out the information we needed and some needed prayers to ask Allah's guidance.

Six years into my marriage and three kids later, I found all my children with me the whole day at a point when I could have sent them all to school/childcare and returned to the workforce. I felt that I had no reason to complain or slacken when it was my choice to have them home in the first place. After the romanticism of HS wore off, I found myself questioning my choices and wondering what I have done to my children's education.

To this day, I still do question myself but I have gone to realise that when these moments of doubts happen, they were moments of renewal and revival, or a holiday- take it easy mummy, you're pushing too hard. While I cannot call them school reform, I find myself reviewing how I approach the lessons with the children or how I needed to change my style in view of the different situation our family was in.

When I started, I had a lot of 'ideas' of how different 'school' will be for us but I didn't realise how 'traditional school' I was. I swung between my alternative thinking and my inbuilt practice system and on top of that there were external expectations of my children's achievements and milestones that I felt I had to meet. While the rebel in me wanted to just sweep the latter away, I was stung by guilt about how I would have been unjust to my children by not equipping them with some societal-measured benchmarks.

These dilemmas, I grew to realise, are not matters that should define us in a spot but opportunities to reflect and come to a compromise to what was best for us in our then situation. When I went back to school and we had to help family members who were facing a financial setback at the same time, I cringed at the idea of working from a  textbook-workbook platform but had to do it anyway in view of the demands on my time then.

Societal benchmarks are not all bad and can be good when worked towards in a positive manner. Working hard to pass an exam for example is a good way to instil discipline and perseverance while trying to achieve a goal. I dreaded PSLE, and disliked the fact that I had to succumb my child to exam-based learning but Ihsan was motivated, at least in some subjects, and was positive of how things would turn out.

I have to say, my children, and the situations we have had to face in our HS journey, have helped to shape me into a better person, Alhamdulillah. Unlike most mothers, I did not take naturally to being 'motherly'. I did what I had to do- clean, feed, teach- the children, I was not however wired as a doting mum.

I grew up with the ethos of not crying when things get tough, listening and following orders of those older than me and managing my life as soon as I was independent enough. When I had to stand on the other side of the fence as a mother, it was a nightmare when my kids whined and had their own ideas of what they should do.

Kids however cry and whine because they are still figuring out their emotions. Over the years having them close to me all day, I saw how they eventually calmed down and better managed their emotions when I gave them an outlet to show they were upset or just time to cool it. It was even better when I reacted calmly and showed empathy and love to them by just not acting up myself or hugging and reassuring them. My kids made me more human.

I am now able to put aside work when the children don't get it or calmly take my time to explain a lesson differently even when the kids start throwing a tantrum or crying. Whatever it is, I have learned that  I should not give up trying to teach them something because sometimes all they need is time or a different approach.

On the financial side, I have always had little growing up and had already stopped working when I was pregnant with my eldest. While it was sometimes hard to see your peers having a more comfortable life and pursuing their careers, I have grown to accept that my journey was not going to be similar and would follow a different definition.

Yes, we are always taught to not look at those better off than us but those worse-off than us, in order that we may be grateful. Having to manage with little over the years was a practical training I did not foresee. Somehow, we managed, and over the years I have seen how Allah really provides when I thought I was facing a wall.

Financial concerns with having a single income is of course something one should address when deciding to homeschool. There is always a need to manage the household income tightly and you can even consider having 'subsidiary' income from work you or your husband do on the side.

When purchasing something, you think twice about whether you really need it. Do you really need that gadget/ app/ on-line learning programme for your child? Will I really use this homeschool resource? Does our little princess really need ballet lessons? You get the drift.

So, for those still deciding whether you want to HS (esp in one of the most expensive countries in the world) sit back and reflect on your options and make lots of dua. Take the plunge if it feels right and know that you can always make a U-turn in future when things change. Like all other decisions in life, place your faith in Allah and know that He is the One you depend on and turn to for help.