A Battle of Wills

Today, Aisyah stayed at the sink after I washed her hands, she was scooping water, dirty water mind you, and relishing it. "Aisyah! Dirty, don't touch! I just washed your hands. " as I washed her hands and scooped her off the bench to the living room to play with her sisters. 

Without realising it, I just dealt a blow to her will for the nth time and it's not even a day yet. 

Will- the faculty by which a person decides on and initiates action, is developing in a toddler, along with many other beautiful things within her. Sadly, adults are consistently at battle with a child's will and we do so often try to hammer it into our mould or replace the child's will with ours. As I did in the incident above. We have the cheek to even call them names after doing that- "Terrible Twos!"

At that point, I was swamped with the different items on my to-do-list and saw what she did as a nuisance and not the expression of her need to actualise what she sees me doing everyday by herself as she grows stronger everyday, gaining more skills and is able to explore more of her surroundings. 

Montessori (1982) saw this as a problem of complex modern life where adults are not able to pause "to follow the child, adapting himself to the child's rhythm and the psychological needs of his growth." Instead, they become stumbling blocks to the child's inner growth. 

When the child is constantly prevented from realising his will and concentration, his full potential may never be achieved. He doesn't learn to be in control of what he wants and how he should express it. This might lead to frustration (Tantrums! Help!), dejection, or the child simply stops trying. Montessori observed that when children are given a choice of what to do and is allowed to focus on their work, they come out of it calmer and have a sense of satisfaction. 

As a mother of five, I have learned how hard it is to stop myself from just riding my daily wave of chores, to actually observe what my child is trying to do and assist her in carrying out the work she has chosen. In actual fact, I would have done myself a favour if I had tried to figure out how I can help her wish to wash the dishes. She would have not only learned a new skill and become more independent, she would sharpen her concentration and strengthen her muscles. Physical and inner growth that would help her achieve even more as she continues to grow. 

I try not to get too crumpled by this. Maybe I should just target trying to follow what she wants to do 2 times a day? That sounds manageable. Or maybe I should just not stand in her way as long as she is safe when I am not tired, maybe?

I should also consider involving the children more in our daily chores. That way they get to do what they want, learn new skills and be more independent. Additionally one fine day, I may have children who do chores around this house without actually being asked.